Quickwrite #1 (2/22/16)

 In life, it often takes just one moment to do or say something that you can never take back. Discuss a time that you did or said something that you couldn’t take back and knew was a mistake. Explain.

I would like to think that I have mended relationships that have been damaged by my words. In the instance that I said to my sister "you ruined everything for me. You messed up the family". I definitely have a lot of regret for those words. Although, tension was always high for the 4 years between 2011 and 2014. My sister got really sick, and not in a way where I felt she was helpless. She had anorexia, or in better words still does, and I felt like she could have gotten better if she just wanted to. It seemed like she was going through the motions of treatment and when they felt like she was getting better she would relapse in a worse way and be back where she started. This happened maybe 6 or 7 times. Each time she just seemed not to care, and not to think about how hard we were all trying, and how much we all had sacrificed. For me, I gave up in school and in my social life. It took a while for me to get back into the social scene and even then I didn't have more than a couple friends. At first I was so angry that she stole my parents from me. At the time I had experienced some problems like any average middle school does with teasing. I needed my parents but they were so busy trying to help Natalie and she didn't even care. That made me so angry that I refused to visit her for a few days. After a while I just wanted to help. That lasted for a year but I got so fed up when she just never wanted to heal. Although I had always had some level of anxiety for most of my life, it became uncontrollable in the later years of middle school and then high school. I blamed my sister's constant ailment for my worsening mental state. I blamed the stress my family dealt with during those years. I used to have an overwhelming fear of planes, now its moderate. I would have a panic attack starting the minute I sat down and when the plane took off I couldn't breathe. I would cry uncontrollably and I felt like I was dying, but because my sister was in treatment in Utah I had to do this 4-8 times a month. Eventually I lent up again and Natalie and I worked towards a better relationship. We would write letters while she was away and called when we could. It seemed to get better but we often fought when I came to visit. When she came back and was finally home and in treatment here, things got worse. I saw her struggles because she was in my house. She would fight with my parents over eating and practically everything. I couldn't go into my own kitchen because they were fighting over a cup of pasta of a cup and a half. I just wanted to her want to get better. One day we were fighting over something dumb in her car. Eventually I got so pissed off that I just got out, told her she ruined everything, and slammed the car door. With us, we usually we avoid each other for a couple hours and apologize. I apologized for what I said, blamed it on my emotional state at the time. I really did feel bad because I know the gravity of those words. She said it was okay, but I knew that was something she felt bad about. I didn't want to be responsible for her feeling bad because that's not what I wanted. To some extent I always wanted her to recognize how much stress she brought me and the rest of us, but I also know that it wasn't easy for her either. She struggled the most from her eating disorder. Now, she is in recovery and in college. For the last year we have been on really good, close terms. I can say now that she is one of my best friends, and I am glad that both of use have moved on and become better people.

Quickwrite #11

Lunch with an enemy-
If I were to sit with someone I disliked to eat a meal, I'm not really sure who it would be. There are a lot of people I would rather just not spend time with, but not "enemies". If I had to choose, maybe the girl that constantly berated me in middle school. I wouldn't have much to say to her because at this point I have moved on from what she did. I know that I would steal feel self conscious about what I'm eating because she used to call me fat and things like that. I would probably eat something small in fear of judgement. We would probably somewhere somewhat nice, again out of avoiding judgement. I'm not sure what we would talk about considering I cut the friendship off a while ago. Knowing how this kind of thing usually works out, we would probably just sit there awkwardly.

Quickwrite #10

Quickwrite #9

I think affluenza is real because it is often those who are financially privileged who ignore the rules and disrespect others. That is not to say that only rich people are ignorant and unable to recognize one's actions, but there is probably a correlation. These people feel as though they would not have to be responsible because they are privileged. Also, they also don't recognize the privilege they have, but instead see their advantage as a part of their status and being earned. The feeling of financial stability and excess could lead to the feeling of invincibility and entitlement. They could moralize their ignorance and the actions they do in their own favor.